Let's see, Ozzy has kids, Dave Mustaine has kids and even Lemmy has a grown son. However, I am just a fan and not a musician so I am in a different boat. I know metal is an interest and not a lifestyle. My concern is how to raise my daughter right while knowing that someday I am going to have to explain why I listen to the music I listen to. My hope is to be ready for when that day comes. The music I listen to has been a lot of the same stuff I have listened to since I was a teen so it's not a phase, it's a real interest and I don't plan on hiding or denying it. However, I own cd's and albums that have strong language as well lyrics about violence and sexual references. I guess the first thing is to teach my daughter to be open with us and to ask us about things when she has questions. Good, bad and in between, we need to able to answer any questions she has and I am sure she will have them. I would much rather prefer we talk to her about this no matter how awkward it may be as opposed to having her learn about it from another kid and get a wrong impression about something.
I want my daughter to respect herself and respect others and I don't want ideas that come from entertainment to taint the truth about what the world is like and the way life can be. There are far worse things in life than the lyrics to metal songs, but I don't want to gloss over what is being said or presented in music either. It's not just my music or today's but music when my daughter becomes a teen will doubtlessly have false images in it as well. I do hope to get back into going to church some day soon. I do that and my daughter is raised going to church then I think eventually she could ask questions like "isn't singing about sex and violence a sin and how could someone who is christian listen to this?" That would be a tough question because how do you give an honest answer without looking like a hypocrite or someone who bends the rules for their own interests. That is also one that I do not have a great answer for, but I will think about it and try to be honest and ready should that question ever come.
I remember taking her home from the hospital after she was born and it was thrilling and scary at the same time. Thrilling to have this child and know all the great things we could do and teach her, but scary for the exact same reasons because we were going to be the chief providers and examples for this child. Although I will say that I have done more going with the flow than worrying since she was born, but she is very young yet. I guess just go back to that early point and hope we raise her to ask questions and talk freely to us and try to answer as best we can. I just have to remember that just because I am a parent doesn't mean I have all the answers and I am sure that in the end that I will learn as much if not more from my daughter than she will learn from my wife and I. Childhood should be a growing experience for the child and the parent, I just have to remember that it may be a bumpy ride at times. Well, I am going to step off my soap box and go to listen to some metal.
I think it's a tough thing to deal with, because I'm in the same boat to some extent. Celebities often make poor philosophers, yet many people put them on pedestals. They take celebrities' word for it on everything from amrketing to politics to religion even. I think the best thing we can teach our kids is that celebrities (musicians, actors, writers, whatever) are no more qualified than anyone else to give advice. In fact, their celebrity removes them so far from "reality" in some cases that they are far less qualified than we are. We may like someone's records or movies or books, but that doesn't mean we agree with them on all counts. We may even like the abstract sentiment of anger or rebellion or whatever, but that doesn't mean we have to agree with the details.
ReplyDeleteThis was good for me to read as well, because it helps me sort out my own thoughts as I face the same wonderful, but sometimes frightening journey with my own kid.
And it's good for me as well as the childless member of our circle of friends because I've prayed for my own child and romantically entertained the vision of sitting the child in front of the stereo and hurling all sorts of varied music at him/her as my mom and stepfather did for me over the years.
ReplyDeleteI was exposed to everything; RNR, jazz, classical, country, soul, disco, you name it. I know it was a deliberate attempt on my parents' behalf to make sure I had the best of all worlds in order to formulate my own opinions and judgments.
I went from an 80s top-40 lover to a devout metalhead lifestylist and punk appreciater. When I found out that only Brendan Benner and my other friend Jason were the only readers of my metal and punk column in college, I was forced to again think outside the box and learn other styles of music. It's evolved me into a better music-thinker, although I still credit Bob as one of the best music thinkers I know, and given what I've read from you so far, Mark, you're doing a damn fine job yourself.
As relates to your children, I can only recommend surrounding them with different types of music, even if you don't necessarily dig it yourself. This allows the child to formulate his or her opinions and tastes. I think lyrics were never an issue for me back in the day. It was about the anger and aggression and FEEL of the music that I related to.
Who knows what music Justine and Sophia will be into? For that matter, if we're ever blessed with child, who knows what that lifeforce would be into? I'd say that your post here really triggers some thoughts because I never gave that a real consideration until now. It's a valid concern, though. God knows my CD collection is weird as it is eclectic and there's certainly going to be a lot of explaining to do over the years, but my instincts tell me it will be more a labor of love than a strict labor, you know what I mean? Maybe that makes a little bit of sense, I hope?