I decided to attempt to write a short story about a metal band just for my own and because I have actually had the idea for a few years. I may post parts of it here and there if a decided to keep with it. It might end up playing like a bad heavy metal soap opera. My hope is that it plays out more as a story about living in a small area and being into music and also about the difference between music as an interest and music as a business. Keep in mind this is rough and my descriptions tend to dry as dirt some times. Anyway here is the very opening of they story, the bulk of the story will be taking place about ten years after this part. So let me know what you think and please be honest because I want it to be decent.
"Little Pond"
I have always felt that inspiration isn’t something that you look for, but rather something that finds you. Real inspiration shouldn’t only find you, but it should overcome and possess you. That’s what happened one Saturday morning when I was 10 and we were at the record store. My mom was looking for a John Denver album or something to send to my cousin for her birthday and while she was looking I turned my head to look around and was drawn to this album cover. I am not sure if it was the colors or the picture, but it pulled me to it. I was used to seeing album covers of people just standing there, covers that looked just like photographs in scrapbooks, kind of boring I guess. This album cover wasn’t boring, there was something very vibrant about it. It was Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the holy and grabbed the album and I didn’t just look at it, I studied it. Of course I couldn’t study it for long because mom would have a fit if she saw me looking at it. I knew then that I wanted to hear this album, but my parents weren’t about to buy it for me though. They weren’t too big on rock music. It wasn’t any moral reason, it was more that they thought music was just entertainment and not a very important form of entertainment so they certainly weren’t going to be shelling out their money for some record just because I liked the cover. So I left the store that day without saying anything about the album, but I tucked away the name and the image of the album in my mind for a later date. The cover was like a bait and I was caught because I wanted to know what that album sounded like and somehow I had to find a way to hear it.
A great start! This really sets the stage for what you've hinted will follow. I love how the sight of an album cover can draw a boy in and start him down a path.
ReplyDeleteI only have one suggestion, and it's one of style. Try to vary the text a bit so that it's not always the narrarator telling the reader what happened. Mix it up a bit from the "I did this ... I did that ..." constructions and instead show the reader what the narrator saw. With some of that, this is golden because, since you brought it up last week, I've thought your idea is fanfreakintastic.
-- david
This is great Mark. Also, I agree with David's suggestions.
ReplyDeleteI'm not even close to being a professional writer and I realize this is your rough draft, but I've always heard that to help with descriptions just to break it down enough to where there's nothing left to say. ex: instead of just a dog, explain what kind of dog, german shepard, and then give it a name, Killer, so that people get a better idea of what you're talking about.
Concerning your story - maybe describing the album cover might let readers know why your Mom may have objected to you looking at it at age 10. Just a thought - hope that made sense.
Otherwise, it's great and I'm already waiting to read what happens next.
Good luck with this and I really hope you finish it, if only for yourself.
Good first draft. The perspective suits the story and I could tell immediately that you feel comfortable writing that way. You should keep going with it.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it's a very good start. Also, like onmywatch, the first thing I thought about was the album cover. I had a t-shirt with the album cover on the front when I was a kid. I remember my mother didn't like it because it showed naked girls climbing up a mountain, which I'm sure made her judge the music without weven hearing it.
ReplyDeleteDavid-Thanks. I will work on it.
ReplyDeleteOnmywatch-Thanks for the suggestion. I am not sure on this yet because I want the parents objection to be more about seeing music as a waste of time than as a moral objection.
Fred-Thanks. I am going to try and work on it a little at a time and I post bits of it here and there on my blog.
Mike-I am still thinking this part out. I may move on and come back to it though.
Now I want to have a few quick cuts showing the main characters progression from interest to fan to amatuer musician. So I may try to compress almost ten years into just a few pages. I want to spend the majority of the story on the question of whether the band will move to LA or not.
You know, Mark, all these years we've known each other, you've kept this writing talent of yours hidden from me. What the hell, man? First you come up with an excellent blog, now this...more, man, more!
ReplyDelete