Goblin Cock-Come with me if you want to live

Robcore
2009


I remember when I was like 12 years old and first saw this kid on my bus with this book that had a picture of this monstrous giant warrior rising up over his opposition. I was in awe of the picture and I took in the words "Dungeons and Dragons" etched at the top of the book. Soon I found out that it was a game and I knew it would not be like Monopoly, Battleship and the conventional games that I was used to. In my mind images started to form, images of fantastic and ferocious battles with horrendous beasts and searches for fantastic treasure. From that point on I knew that one day I would play Dungeons and Dragons. I knew that once I played that would be an event that I would never forget. At least a year went by before I finally had the opportunity to take part in a Dungeons and Dragons adventure. True enough it was an event that I would never forget. Yes, five pimple faced kids sitting around a desk under dim light pretending to hunt for treasure. It was as fun as watching paint drying on the wall. All my high expectations were shattered by the reality of it just being a rather dull way of wasting time. That is kind of the way I think of Goblin Cock. Now granted this band and their albums are not quite as disappointing as that game of D & D. Yet both had my expectations up as I hoped to be absorbed by fantastic worlds. Instead both just came across as empty shells. Goblin Cock is a bit of a tongue in cheek take on stoner rock and doom metal. They are also the brainchild of Robcore labelhead Rob Crow. I knew that going in yet I still hoped for a full-on assault. They plunk out the fantasy album cover, put their lyrics in runes and slowly grind out some Sabbath inspired chunks. Okay, some of this works yet I cannot help but shake the impression that they do not totally commit to either being very heavy, very quirky or even very funny. Instead they try a combination of all three that ends up sounding generic and even lukewarm. The song title "Beneath The Valley Of The Island Of Misfit Toys" got a small chuckle from me, but that one of the few and brief highlights contained on this disc. I cannot help shake the impression that they wanted to be a spoof of evil drenched doom with all the trappings. However they never push hard enough and there are too many fluffy parts sprinkled throughout. I got the same impression when I heard their debut "Bagged and boarded" a few years ago. The new album is more consistant than the debut, but it still lacks the qualities that I hoped for. My hopes were high, but the results were rather average.