Austrian Death Machine-Jingle All the Way

Metal Blade Records
2011

For those of you who don't know Austrian Death Machine is a side-project of As I Lay Dying vocalist Tim Lambesis. It is meant to be equal parts parody and tribute to Arnold Schwarzenegger's films. So far the group has released two albums and this 3-track EP. Obviously from the title and album cover art you should be able to figure out that this short EP is based on Arnold's holiday movie, Jingle All the Way. Since I have never really found the band to be all that funny to begin with this was a chore to sit through. At least it was only three songs so that was good. That said I'll be honest and say the actually backing music is nice and heavy so I did enjoy that. For those interested the line-up is pretty solid for a side-project. The lead guitar parts especially are spot on and they did shred. You have excellent lead guitar work on the thrash tune "I'm Not A Pervert" done by Jason Suecof (of technical death band Capharnaum) and the very weird Dååth's Eyal Levi (I find the band kind of weird not Eyal). On "It's Turbo Time" and "Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies?" Mark MacDonald of Mercury Switch does lead work. For a very unfunny band the musicians really shine through. If it wasn't for the bad Arnold impersonation and inept lyric content this project might actually be interesting. The insane thrash/death riffs are actually pretty cool. I just can't get past how lame the rest of this parody band is. Despite the title and reference work this 3-track EP doesn't come of as being very seasonal which surprised me. I sort of figured it would be another jolly Christmas crunch metal affair. Instead it just seems goofy and generic. I know side-projects are not always supposed to be taken seriously but Austrian Death Machine really push things into absurd territory. It is one thing to be a "joke" band but it is another to actually be a good "joke" band. And in that regard this Arnold-based heavy metal act get a failing grade. Sorry to ruin the holidays Austrian Death Machine but this is one Christmas present I would return. Sure the music might be hard and heavy. I'll give you that one guys. But the way it is all put together leaves a lot to be desired and frankly your about as funny as dead roadkill.