Monday, December 24, 2007

Monster Ballads Xmas

Razor and Tie

Here we have fifteen Christmas songs perfomed by hard rock/hair metal artists. To make it more fun I decided to try and compare each song to a present that a kid could get for Christmas. So here we go.

Skid Row-Jingle Bells
This is like getting a paddle ball. It's kind of a fast paced fun for a little bit, but the novelty wears off pretty quickly.

Winger-Happy Christmas (War is over)
This is like getting socks. There is some purpose to it, but it's rather drab and not much fun.

Jani Lane-Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas
This is like getting underwear. Like above, there is a purpose I guess. Although not awful, it's a little embarrasing to have to sit through.

Twisted Sister and Lita Ford-I'll be home for Christmas
This would be like getting a board game like Battleship. It's fairly basic, but eventually it's kind of fun.

Queensryche-White Christmas
This would be like like getting a stamp collection starter kit. It's not cool, it's extremely boring and I don't want anything to do with it.

LA Guns-Run, Rudolph, run
This is like getting an action figure from the Dollar Store. There is some joy to it, but ultimately it's a little cheap and not nearly as good as the real thing.

Firehouse-Rockin around the Christmas tree
This is like the year my brother and I got lawn darts. They seemed really dorky at first, but then we gave them a chance we realized they were a lot of fun.

Danger, Danger-Naughty, Naughty Christmas
This is like being 8 years old and getting a stuffed animal. Not the worst thing in the world, but kind of silly at this point and even a little awkward.

Tom Keifer-Blue Christmas
This is like getting a Hot Wheels race track. It only takes seconds to realize how much you like it. Easily the best song on the album

Nelson-Jingle Bell Rock
This is like getting a little plastic wind-up Santa. It pulls you in for a few seconds, but then you realize it's only doing one thing and it's kind of cheesey.

Faster Pussycat-Silent Night
This was like the year where I wanted a football and I got a calligraphy set. I was very disappointed and wondered what I did to deserve it.

Dokken-Santa Claus is coming to town
This is like getting a book that you have already read many times. I still like it some, but it's very predictable and not something you are going to come back to very often.

Enuff z'Nuff-Happy Holiday
This is like getting a bag of little plastic soldiers. It's simple and not anything new, but I like it and will probably even return to it.

Stryper-Winter Wonderland
This would be like getting a little plastic giraffe without any moving parts. I'm interested enough to check it out, but it doesn't really do enough to make it that worthwhile.

Billy Idol-Christmas Love
This is like getting a coloring book and an eight pack of crayons. I like it a little, but it's fairly basic and not anything real special.

There are a few really good songs, a few clunkers and a bunch of in between tracks. So all in all a bit of a mixed bag.


Blogger rock_of_ages said...

Nice review Mark - clever and funny yet somehow really easy to understand what you mean about each song.

Happy Xmas mate


10:39 AM  
Blogger Metal Mark said...

Thanks, Bill. Have a great holiday!

6:59 PM  

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