Thursday, January 26, 2012

Hair Metal Hell:Slave Raider - Take The World By Storm

Bmg Music

Andy says-
Consider this a confession. Well, two confessions really. The first is that this week's Hair Metal Hell group is actually more hard rock that hair metal. Secondly despite that groan inducing album cover I have nobody to blame but myself for buying this load of crap rock back in 94 or so. I don't recall the exact date but I do remember finding a used copy (on tape) at a thrift store and saying to myself "Self, maybe this is some decent traditional heavy metal". Decent would be too good for this album. Try dull and boring. That is my biggest complaint. If there is a musical equivalent to watching paint dry then "Take The World By Storm" takes the prize. While it doesn't surprise me that a band from the eighties has a singer called Chainsaw Caine I am surprised by how many people swear by this album. From reviews on the web you would think these guys were some unsung heroes of heavy metal. Take this review from Amazon (where the asking price is over $100 for this "classic"): "Should do plenty for fans of W.A.S.P., Exciter, Omen, Hellhammer and maybe Destruction." Notice I didn't bother fixing that sentence because quite frankly the whole thing is wrong. Slave Raider are awful and generic hard rock. They are not even close to sounding like any of those groups. Not even W.A.S.P. my friends. This is why I never go by reviews on Amazon. There is something seriously wrong with the people that post there.


Out of tune vocals- 4, There is something to be said for a guy with the name Chainsaw Caine. And that is man, he is one flat vocalist. Very one dimensional in fact.

Wanna be rockstar guitars- 5, From the way these guys "rock" out you would think it would all lead somewhere. Instead these guitars just wail away creating the most boring riffs in all of hard rock history.

More hairspray than bass- 3, Even though I don't hear a lot of bass there doesn't seem to be much interest in hair spray. Not that Slave Raider were any better than your normal sleaze rocker of the eighties.

One dimensional drum beats-4, Sort of like one of those clapping monkeys.

Make me wanna puke ballad- 5, The whole album made me want to stick a finger in my mouth and puke. Did I mention how dull and lifeless this album was?
Metal Mark says- I remember first hearing of this band probably not long after it came out. I read a review on it back then and although I remember none of the specifics I am sure that it was positive. In fact every review I read on this over the years has been positive. So here recently I downloaded it (for free) and came to the conclusion that those who like this are either.
B)tone deaf
C) both of the above
Based on the album cover it looks like the only raiding they did was to raid their sister's closets and make-up kits. Obviously they spent more time on their look than they did on umiportant aspects of being in a band like rehearsing and learning how to play your instruments. No that's not a compliment to their image either.
Out of tune vocals-4 Uh, yeay dude the tape is rolling so you may want to spit that wad of gum out of your mouth and take a drink of water first. Oh, that is your singing voice? Too bad...for us.
Wannabe rockstar guitars-5 It's like bad Poison riffs only ever so slightly heavier. Yes it really is that bad.
More hairspray than bass-4 There is a lot of things that I hear on this album more than the bass and none of them sound very good. Maybe I am giving them a point off here for not making us hear another bad instrument.
One dimensional drum beats-5 Somehow I picture whoever formed this band finding some friend he thought had "the look" and pulling him in as the drummer. The fact that he didn't know how to play the drums didn't matter. So I picture the other band member slapping his knee and saying this is all you have to do on the drums "slap-slapa-slap-slap-slapa-slap" and once you get the hang of it just mix it up a little from there. Needless to say "the drummer" never rose to the level of mixing it up a little.
Make me wanna puke ballad-These guys tried to be heavier than glam bands of the day, but the results were just as abusive on my ears and digestive system. Stomach Churner would have been a more fitting band name than Slave Raider.
No thanks to Slave Raider for making this album.

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Blogger Andy said...

Mark, didn't you think that fans of Sepultra would love this? How about Pantera? Napalm Death? Man, I will never ever go by what anyone says on Amazon after the reviews for this turd rock "classic"!

1:04 PM  

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