Top 10 metal Christmas presents you don't want to receive
Here they are in no real order.
1-Career advice from Axl Rose.
2-One of those yellow and black outfits that Stryper wore in the 80's. Unless of course you want to dress as a bumblebee next Halloween.
3-Charm lessons from Lars Ulrich
4-Another reality show starring some past their prime hair band member.
5-Pretty much anything that Queensryche have recorded in the last 13 years.
6-An invitation to be a member of LA Guns. You would have to explain to everyone which LA Guns you were in. Since they have had over 30 members your chances of being in the band long are slim.
7-An offer for songwriting help from Desmond Child.
8-A concept album about the life of Nostradamus.
9-Vocal lessons from Brian Johnson or beauty tips, take your pick.
10-Tickets to Rocklahoma 2008. The veteran bands scheduled to play this concert would be better off sending out this letter.
"Hello,
We really just want your money. If you make a donation to us now then you will save yourself from having to travel to Oklahoma and sitting in the heat just to watch us go through the motions on stage and try to pretend that it's still 1988.
Sincerely,
Hasbeen Hair Band"
**Special thanks to Bob-vinyl for suggesting number four.
Have a Merry Christmas!
-Mark
posted by Metal Mark at
12:13 AM
9 Comments:
#9 is a scary one.
Just think of how bad it would be if #5 was a new album that incorporated #8.
I'd add:
- A Trans Siberian Orchestra album (it's like the worst elements of rock and classical combined into one big piece of crap).
- A trip on the Motley Cruise, unless it involves making Vince Neil walk the plank.
- The new Sebastian Bach album
I have so much to say, but because it's Christmas, I'll refrain.
Have a nice holiday. I'll enjoy Rocklahoma 2008, the Motley Cruise...and yes, my copy of Sebastian Bach's new CD.
Sniff.
Allyson B. Crawford
www.bringbackglam.com
Bob-I'll agree with the Motley Cruise. They are hasbeens whether they are on land or sea and the whole concept is very silly.
I think the Trans Siberian Orchestra are a little overhyped, but I don't have that much of a problem with them.
I don't agree with you at all about the Sebastian Bach album. It's a good one for sure.
Allyson-Have a great holiday. Feel free to speak your mind here. I always welcome other opinions.
Allyson, is your 2008 New Year's resolution to celebrate rock at its worst? It looks like you're off to a great start!
The Sebastian Bach album was just a contrived attempt to sound like it rocked. It was more business plan than rock album. Once you get past the thin glossy sheen, there's not much inside. It was a big disappointment, especially after all the hype I read before I heard it.
Bob-I thought the Sebastian Bach album was a solid album. About half the songs sound somewhat similar to material from the second and third Skid Row albums on and about half doesn't. He still sounds good and the music rocks so I enjoyed it a lot.
If I had the opportunity to take the Motley Cruise, I would certainly do so. I have never been on a cruise before, but would love to have a vacation in the sun.
Having bands on the boat that I enjoy would be a definite bonus.
Although, I would not care to see a watered down version of Slaughter, Vince Neil was entertaining in his solo band. Considering that he plays 99% Motley Crue tunes live, its all good. Endeverafter was just added to the cruise, and is a worthy addition. Getting to see RATT again up close and personal wouldn't suck either.
Bob can send me his copy of Sebastian Bach's new album. I can relocate into the hands of someone who wants a copy. :)
Rocklahoma 2008.... I haven't been impressed with the list that they have released so far. They are going to need some huge acts to make this one worthy of a road trip. Sorry, but Vixen doesn't do it for me. Wouldn't mind seeing Krokus. I am hearing Trixter is going to be there.....and all I can say is ICK.
Rob Rockitt
Hard Rock Hideout
Watered-down version of Slaughter? Does that mean the original line-up is back together?
HRH-I have issues with Vinc Neil and my main problems with the Motley Cruise are with him. Altough all the other bands on the bill except EndeverafteR do qualify as hasbeens.
I think Rocklahoma could be good if it's a more equal mix of young bands and veteren acts. Yes, it was great that Gypsy Pistoleros and Dirty Penny were on the bill last year, but there were far too many hasbeens and never weres. So far this year's concert is starting look the same way although it is early yet. Vixen and Krokus (at this point in their career) aren't much to get excited about. I just see that it is likely that this "event" will just become "oldbandapalooza" instead of being a concert that could really spotlight the hard rock bands that have something to give.
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